Prayers for Our Son
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Life for us lately has felt messy. Interestingly enough, I have not felt weak or out of control and I’m so grateful for that. Our recent situation with our son has been so painful, and while going through it, I have felt a peace that has enveloped and protected me. I attest this to the years of inner work and growth in releasing old pain, “acceptance, and surrender”, and faith.
You and I are loved beyond measure and I invite you into this space with me as I bare my soul with transparency, and share what happened. I have seen family’s keep what I’m about to share with you a big dark secret. But I learned years ago, secrets keep you sick. And I understand why they do it, they fear judgment.
I want to thank each one of you for helping me and my family through this painful time. You are appreciated more than you know!! So many of you have covered us in prayer, Reiki and White light – I have felt and received all of it with gratitude.
Recently I asked for prayer for our son and many of you asked if I could share what was happening. I didn’t have the strength to share, today I do.
It must’ve been going on a few years, the drug use, and it must be my mothers’ heart that had blinded me to seeing what was really happening.
His drug use came to a head after we moved to our new house. I was supposed to be home alone. It had been several hours since he left when I began to hear people in my garage. I freaked out. I didn’t want to go into the garage to check, because I didn’t know who I would find. I called the cops. The officer on the phone dispatched officers to my home and told me to wait inside. I didn’t understand her logic and said, “There is only a door between me and whoever is in there and you want me to wait inside?” I freaked! Gathered my phone, the garage remote controller and left the house. After the police arrived, I gave them the remote control and hid behind a car across the street. Their guns were drawn, I heard the garage door open, lots of yelling, commotion and I peeked around the corner just in time to see them hauling this man in cuffs out to their car. It was MY SON! I freaked again. They found a pipe, syringes, and meth and took him downtown. An officer stayed with me a while to help me understand what was happening. This is a new journey for us. We’ve never dealth with drugs before… only heard about it.
We let him walk home and then took him to a Rehab house. It was Sunday and hard to find one that was open for enrollment. He stayed 4 days and then enrolled into an outpatient rehab through the city.
Last week, he took our truck out for a joyride. His license was suspended and has no insurance, so he knew he wasn’t allowed to drive our vehicles. Eric delved out his consequences. 2 days later, he took the van and was gone for 4-5 days. We made a police report, missing person and missing van. Our son finally texted where he was, he was out of gas, out of money and hungry. We went to go pick up the van, 55 miles away. After talking with him, he was so sorry, but we saw no remorse. So we did the hardest thing we’ve had to do, we left him there. When he realized what we were doing, he started to shake but quickly composed himself.
As I drove away from him, following behind my husband’s car, I began to feel the weight of every mile we were putting between us. I only allowed a few tears to escape, as this was not the time to release. Drugs do terrible things to people. They aren’t even themselves anymore. The lies, the stealing… it had gotten so bad. I worried about him, his safety.
Since then, he’s been back to pick up a few of his things, I don’t know if he is still using. It does look like he’s put on a bit of weight, which is a good sign. He is staying with a retired gentleman (whom I got to briefly meet), whose kids are grown. He is a caretaker for his 91 yr old mother and is going to train our son to do some of this work. He told me he’s been keeping him busy.
This was a very hard blog post to write. I had to be present and sift through so many feelings and emotions, while trying to not let them take over and spill into my writing. I’m not sure how it turned out, but hope you can follow it clearly enough. Please do keep us all in your prayers as the fight is not over.
Please do leave comments, encouragement, love, advice… I know others have journeyed this path before me… and I’d appreciate hearing from you.